It’s been such a long time since I actually wrote something, but bottled emotions are never a good thing…. right??
Obviously NOTHING has changed since I discussed my “love” related predicaments in the past…. it’s crazy. Like at this point I try to convince myself to get over it, stop looking for it && just accept it as it comes. I’ve been pretty good with doing that for awhile, but I definitely get frustrated when I think about it from time to time… like tonight.
First off let me start by saying that the guy that basically sabotaged our special friendship from the one tumultuous night… yeah I’m pretty much OVER him. I respected our friendship “post-tragedy” enough to hit him up occasionally because I was actually genuinely concerned about his well being. After the last couple times of hitting him up first I realized I was doing too much.
StoryOfMyFreakingLife.
So today I hit him up && he had the nerve to ask if this was my “once a mnth or whatever hit ups” blah blah blah… Needless to say that pissed me off && I spazzed on him (well as much as I could via text). I made it a point to say that I was alwayssss the one initiating contact && it’s NEVER EVER reciprocated… even on a random basis.
IDK why, but this occurs in most of my friendships. I’m always the one consistently reaching out to see how everyone is doing && getting along. It gets to the point where I notice that if I don’t reach out, no contact will ever be made. Ummmmm…. yeah this needs to STOP.
But I digress…. moving on. It’s been such a long time since I found someone who gave me butterflies.
Yes, butterflies. You know.. that feeling you get when you realize you have a thing for someone, && they just might feel the same?
Yeah that. I miss that feeling sooo much. It’s that little feeling..that little knot in your stomach… the increase of your heart beat when u see that person that makes your day a little bit brighter. A simple text or great conversation from that person could keep a smile on your face for days…
*sigh*
Too long. Although strangely enough, I’m not sure, but I think I might have a slight case of the butterflies. It’s soooooo weird ! After I graduated && endured the summer from hell (2011) I started thinking about this person in a slightly different light. Of course I brushed it off, but when I started school again the feeling kept coming back && now my thoughts seem to increasingly find their way back to that person. IDK how I should feel about this… I don’t even think I’m going to pursue anything just because I know he doesn’t feel the same. *shrugs* I’m used to it. But it’s just been this constant grapple of emotions about this person && I’m going to need it to go away soon if it’s not going to lead to anything… which I’m sure it won’t.
Ehhh… =/
Either way I think I’m a step closer to finding love. I’m still trying to remain on the path that God has set for me, && while years continue to pass without an inkling of romance I’ve become content with the love between myself && my Lord && Savior. There’s nothing else I can do but continue to wait until He feels it’s time for me to meet someone worth my time.
:-*
